Host Ellen DeGeneres asked the actor, and Ella, who was sitting in the audience with mom Kelly Preston, if she is currently dating. Travolta didn’t even give his daughter a chance to respond before answering himself.
“No, no, no. I don’t interfere with that,” he said. “And, you know, I’m saving her because she has two guys that she hangs out with. I don’t ask anything about what they say or do with each other.”
Preston chimed in, admitting that she knows everything about her daughter, and confirmed Ella isn’t dating.
But the teen didn’t get off that easy. Aside from her parents discussing her dating life on national TV, DeGeneres also shared a photo from Ella’s first appearance on the show — she was just 9 years old — and then brought her outside to parallel park (the worst!) for the first time in an old boat a big old car.
According to his publicist, Harrison Ford is currently recovering after being pursued by an enamored Loch Ness Monster. The incident occurred earlier today while the Indiana Jones star was on vacation in Scotland, waterskiing in Loch Ness. Things were going well until Ford tried to balance on one leg, which caused him to lose control of his waterskis, tumble through the air, and crash onto a dock that was being painted, dousing the actor head to toe with bright green paint.
Although the Hollywood hunk avoided injury, witnesses say that as soon as Ford turned green, the enormous saurian head of the Loch Ness Monster extended out of the water. When the aquatic reptile glimpsed Harrison Ford, its eyes briefly turned into pink hearts before the cryptozoological beast blushed and batted a pair of long, feminine eyelashes.
Ford was removing a paint can off his foot when he noticed a huge shadow blotting out the sun. Turning around, the Star Wars celeb was shocked to find Nessie resting her flippers on the edge of the dock and leaning forward to kiss Ford with gigantic red lips the size of his entire body. The terrified actor reacted by jumping out of his shoes, screaming Ah-oooga like an antique car horn, then landing back inside his shoes and sprinting away into the lakeside town.
When the mythical creature noticed she was smooching empty air, the Loch Ness Monster plunged forward through the dock, smashing the entire structure to splinters as she pursued Ford onto land. Although the prehistoric paramour was holding a bus-sized bouquet of flowers and an equally gigantic heart-shaped box of chocolates, the sight of these romantic gifts did not convince Ford to slow down. By all accounts, the frightened A-lister ran so quickly that his legs transformed into a spinning circular blur that produced the sound of bongo drums.
Despite Fords frenetic pace, the Loch Ness Monster was able to effortlessly catch up thanks to her titanic lizard legs. She coiled her neck around Ford like a boa constrictor and gave the helpless Golden Globe winner a flurry of loud, wet kisses. Thinking quickly, Ford made his arms extend 20 feet like wobbly spaghetti noodles so he could reach over the fence of a nearby farm and grab a placidly grazing sheep. When his arms retracted with the livestock, Ford swapped the ewe for himself and managed to escape while an unsuspecting Loch Ness Monster continued kissing the wooly animal.
By the time the Loch Ness Monster realized she had been duped, Ford had already hidden under the kilt of a bagpipe player who was marching through the town streets as part of a Scottish pride parade. The Loch Ness Monster began weeping forlorn tears as big as cars into an oversized lace handkerchief. In her grief, she sat down on a bakery, crushing the building and sending up an immense cloud of flour that made the lake dwellers scaly skin turn white.
Reportedly, as soon as Ford saw the now-pale behemoth, the actor mistook the Loch Ness Monster for a sexy Caucasian woman, and his eyes briefly turned into pink hearts. Ford ran out of his hiding place, bent down on one knee, and produced a sparkling diamond ring to propose marriage.
The Loch Ness Monster delightedly accepted the betrothal and leaned down to give Ford a long, passionate kiss. Church bells began ringing, and the two tied the knot at a nearby cathedral before a cheering crowd of wedding guests that were human on the grooms side and plesiosaurs on the brides side. Harrison Ford and his immense reptilian bride lived together for many happy years in a giant cottage big enough for Loch Ness Monster to fit in. The couple eventually produced a clutch of eggs that hatched into dozens of human-monster hybrids, producing varied creatures including a human boy with an enormously long dinosaur neck and head, a lizard with young Harrison Fords wild brown hair, and a 50-foot-tall girl with flippers instead of arms.
After decades of blissful marriage, when the Loch Ness Monster was wrinkled and had gray hair, Harrison Ford peacefully died of old age in his sleep. The Loch Ness Monster wore a black widows veil to his funeral and hugged their grieving chimeric children as Fords coffin was lowered into the ground below a tombstone with only R.I.P. inscribed upon it. The priest officiating the ceremony was Bigfoot, and the clergical apeman was overheard saying Ashes to ashes, dust to dust in a dignified British accent.
Following the funerals conclusion, an ambulance rushed into the graveyard and paramedics hastily exhumed Fords corpse. Fortunately, they were able to revive the embalmed, tuxedo-wearing actor with an electric shock from a defibrillator, and Ford is now comfortably resting in a hospital.
A tweet by Fords son from a previous marriage confirmed that the star avoided serious injury despite his lengthy ordeal:
Get better soon, Harrison! Were all pulling for you!
What would you do if you had more money than you could possibly know what to do with? We all like to daydream about winning the lottery and how we would spend it all. Personally, I would buy a yacht and spend a year or so sailing the world. Of course, I know that this would never happen, so it’s never been more than just a fantasy.
One fortunate family in the United Kingdom, however, just had that fantasy become a sudden reality. A brother and sister got word that their uncle had passed away and left them something in his will. Their uncle was a recluse and a bit of an eccentric, so they didn’t quite know what to expect. Needless to say, the end result was a discovery that would change their lives forever.
When Dr. Harold Carr died at age 89, he left everything he had to his surviving relatives. Dr. Carr had lived a solitary existence for most of his life, so when his family went to his property, nobody was sure what they were going to find.
Why is this car so valuable? It was manufactured in 1937 and was one of just 40 of its kind ever made.
Dr. Carr’s particular vehicle was even more valuable because it once belonged to a very notable member of English society. Francis Curzon, 5th Earl Howe, was a member of British Parliament and the original owner of the dusty Bugatti found in the garage.
After cycling through a few more owners, it wound up in the hands of Dr. Carr, who purchased the luxury vehicle in 1955. It would stay in his possession until the time of his death, when it was passed on to his family.
According to the family, next to the Bugatti in the garage was a stack of letters from elite businessmen and politicians trying to persuade Dr. Carr to sell the car to them, all of which were ignored.
Most of the world seems to agree a Donald Trump presidency is a disturbing possibility that would inflict unthinkable damage, Guardian reporters found
Dangerous, foolish, irrational, scary, terrifying, irresponsible, a clown, a disaster. These are just some of the words used to describe the prospect of a Donald Trump presidency by politicians, diplomats and analysts around the world.
As the businessman gave his first major policy address since becoming frontrunner for the Republican presidential nomination on Wednesday, Guardian correspondents in Washington and around the globe asked the international community whether it was prepared for the swaggering billionaire to occupy the White House.
Many said they still cannot believe the nation that elected its first black president just eight years ago will now rush to embrace a man who has offended Mexicans, Muslims and others. The possibility that Trump might actually win fills great swaths of the planet with dread with the apparent and notable exception of Vladimir Putins Russia with concerns over everything from trade to the nuclear trigger.
While Trump was delivering his speech in Washington, outlining a doctrine of naked self-interest that would shake the rust off Americas foreign policy, the heads of all the major UN agencies gathered in Vienna, Austria, for a strategy session with secretary general Ban Ki-moon, now in his last eight months in office.
Let’s face it — there’s a certain appeal to buying stupid things just because you can. Who among us hasn’t vacantly flipped through a SkyMall catalog and imagined a life where buying something out of a SkyMall catalog was a reasonable decision? However, once we land back on planet Earth and get back to our real lives where we have to decide whether to pay the electric bill or the phone bill this month, we know bullshit overpriced junk when we see it. The following expensive, goofy-ass products are made for people who only know “paying bills” as the time they hired two guys named William to install a floating bar in their swimming pool.
A $100 Tube Of Toothpaste
Those who’ve wondered what it’s like to actually pour money down the drain can now experience the sensation right from the comfort of their bathrooms. The good people at Theodent have created a “luxury” toothpaste that, at $100 for a 3.4 ounce tube, lets you scrub your teeth with ten thousand pennies. Called “Theodent 300” and offering vague “clinical strength,” we’re guessing it’s perfect for those nights you dine in Hell.
Like most activities involving $100 and putting stuff in your mouth, brushing with Theodent is a little dodgy. Instead of fluoride, Theodent contains a proprietary substance called “Rennou,” which is derived from cocoa plants and will — allegedly — keep your teeth from rotting and help get Kool-Aid stains off your tongue.
If you’re not up for diving head first into the world of luxury toothpaste, you can play in the shallow end with the Classic or Kids versions of Theodent, which are available on Amazon for a more comfortable $12 or $13. The kids’ stuff tastes like chocolate, so good luck teaching them not to eat it.
A $250 Jump Rope
Learning to jump rope was a childhood rite of passage, as was finding “jumpable” stuff, like garden hoses, shoe laces, your mom’s good towels, death shrouds, etc. Apparently, someone didn’t get that jumping random stuff was the whole point, and created a $250 jump rope because … actually, we’re not sure why.
A company called Hock decided they could improve upon the classic version of a rope that you jump over by combining “minimalist style with innovative technology.” Those willing to forego groceries in favor of walnut handles and anodized aluminum parts can launch their upper-class asses over nine (adjustable) feet of natural leather rope.
Sadly there’s no quantity discount, so if you’re planning to Double Dutch, be prepared to cough up the full $500 for a pair of these bad boys.
A Plain, Ordinary Candle That’s $470
If you literally have money to burn, then we’ve got the product for you. Thanks to Jo Malone London, you can watch your money go up in smoke while enjoying the “compelling” scents of “Lime Basil And Mandarin” or “Pomegranate Noir,” the latter of which you may recognize as a phrase that is fucking meaningless. Should you choose to indulge, each candle will set you back one (or two, or three) month’s car payment of $470.
Jo Malone Featuring the exhilarating aroma of flaming money and bad decisions.
If you’re trying to rationalize this particular waste of money, let’s be clear on what you’re not buying. It doesn’t contain any expensive essential oils, it’s not used for “aromatherapy,” and it’s not some long-lasting, slow-burning piece of survival gear that will provide illumination in the event of a zombie apocalypse. It’s just a candle. And a damn expensive one.
It does include “complimentary” matches, so … there’s that. Although at that price point, the matches should be doing your tax return.
A Leather-Wrapped Plastic Igloo Cooler For $1800
You may not be familiar with the adage “Leather and water go great together,” possibly because nobody has ever said it ever. That small fact didn’t dampen the spirits of the Lappas company, who decided a leather-wrapped cooler was just the thing for rich people needing to terrify party guests and keep their drinks cold at the same time.
Neiman Marcus “You remember my old business partner? Let’s just say I finally found a use for him.”
There is just one tiny detail: the thing costs $1800, which is the price of several mini-fridges and perhaps an old car. But hey — shipping is free!
We’re guessing that the people responsible for this abomination are counting on the leather wrapping to distract potential buyers from realizing that what’s inside this stamped-leather eyesore is a plain old plastic Igloo cooler, which you can buy at Walmart for $15.
Fortunately for pigs, they don’t make footballs like they used to. While no one is throwing around literal pigskin anymore, the options available for football material have never been more diverse. In fact, if you’re itching to impress your friends with a super-deluxe session of catch, you can even toss a ball made out of python.
If you’re prepared to pony up $1220 for a fucking football, the folks at Bergdorf Goodman are standing by to help swankify your life’s football-related moments. The ball comes in black and natural (read: snakeflesh), and has absolutely no special powers or features. It’s just an ordinary (and very, very expensive) football that won’t transform you into a snake or Brett Favre. That said, it might produce a Tim Tebow moment or two when it’s time to pay your credit card bill.
14k Gold Staples For $118
When you are genuinely out of ideas and at a loss for what to spend money on, you can always spring for some solid gold staples. Sold by Garmentory, you can get 24 gold staples — plus a nifty box — for $118. While that seems pretty steep, it works out to just $4.92 per staple, which is perfect for those really special moments when a stack of papers needs just a little bit extra to keep them together.
Unfortunately, they are just staples after all, so to use them, you still have to put them in your $8 Swingline stapler and hope it doesn’t jam. You should also really, really try not to forget a page.
The folks at Garmentory would like to remind you that there are all sorts of uses for $118 gold staples, such as haphazardly punching them into your clothing for a look that screams, “I have lost all concept of value and social convention”:
We guess they figure if you can fork over that much cash for gold staples, then you shouldn’t mind tearing a bunch of tiny holes in your clothes to show them off. However, since you could just spend $5.50 on some identical-looking yellow (or blue or pink or green) staples on Amazon, this probably isn’t the best way to get a big bang for your bougie buck.
A $100,000 Wet Razor
If you have a hundred large lying around, or if your facial hair is the consistency of Kevlar, you might be in the market for the world’s most expensive razor. It’s made out of iridium, a substance that comes from meteorites and is so incredibly hard it’s mostly used to make rocket engines. Obviously, the next best use for this material, right after propelling things into orbit, is removing hair from your body.
It’s manufactured by Zafirro, who says their facial hedge clipper “pushes the boundaries of technology while creating an aesthetic that could be the centerpiece of a gallery collection.” In other words, it’s needlessly high-tech, but it’s also kinda pretty. It’s available only in limited quantities, probably because iridium is only available in limited quantities. If you’re overburdened by a hundred grand and have questionable judgment, you can pre-order it on their website, and the purchase does include free service on the sapphire blades and pure platinum screws for 20 years. We assume the only shaving cream worthy of this little gem is made of jellied pearls stripped from the ocean’s rarest clams, but Zafirro’s website neither confirms nor denies this.
A Designer Toothpaste Squeezer for $195
For those days when your own fist simply won’t do, you can eke out a perfect glob of toothpaste with this designer toothpaste squeezer. According to theline.com, “This chrome-plated brass device affords a precise start and end to each day by ensuring you get the most out of every tube of toothpaste.” It’s the perfect thing for anyone looking for completely unnecessary items to fill up counter space in an overly large bathroom.
For the bargain price of $195, you can have the satisfaction of wringing the last fraction of a cent of toothpaste out of each tube, and rest in the knowledge that if you live to see 150 years you might eventually break even (please note this does not apply if you are using Theodent 300).
A $100-A-Month Toilet Paper Subscription
If you thought toilet paper was the great equalizer, and that rich people wipe their asses with the same paper squares as the rest of us plebes, think again. There is, in fact, toilet paper for the astoundingly wealthy. And it isn’t just dollar bills.
Zurich-based Joseph’s Toiletries offers a monthly toilet paper subscription for the bargain price of $100. Per person. Calling itself “toilet paper reinvented,” the natural “tissue pads” come with a bottom wash infused with vitamin B5 and zinc, which gets your asshole all those vitamins it’s no doubt been missing.
Among our many questions is what metric they used to determine an appropriate monthly ration of toilet paper. Did they make allowances for taco truck days and bad sushi? And how did they settle on a size for the pre-cut pieces, which could be extremely wasteful or woefully inadequate, depending on factors such as poo consistency and splash radius? Even more importantly, what happens if you exhaust your monthly allocation of butt wipers early? Can you get more, or are you left kissing your bunghole with common tissue like the poors?
The classic car speeds through the English countryside, a lovingly-maintained example of motoring heritage.
It rounds a left-hand bend, negotiates a tight right corner, and gracefully dips out of view, a petrol-fuelled gazelle.
This is a collectable automobile that has seen its value soar in recent years. Proud owner Ed Hughes is a very happy man.
Yet the 45-year-old’s set of wheels isn’t what most people would imagine when they think of a classic car. It isn’t a vintage Ferrari, Lamborghini or Jaguar, for example.
Instead, it’s a 1994 Lada Riva, the boxy, four-door Russian runabout that regularly features in “worst cars of all time” lists.
Mr Hughes’ example has a 1.5 litre engine, 80,000 miles on the clock, and a top speed of 95mph (153 km/h). And he loves Ladas so much that he owns five of them.
While some might scoff at the suggestion that a Lada Riva is a classic car, it does in fact meet the generally agreed criteria – it is an old car that is no longer in production, and there is enough interest in the vehicle for it now to be collectable rather than scrapped.
And like any classic car worth its salt, there is money to be made, although not Ferrari-style tens of millions. Mr Hughes bought his red Riva 14 years ago for 50. It’s now worth 2,000.
As the global classic car industry continues to grow strongly, an increasing number of previously unheralded cars are now being avidly collected. But why the Lada Riva?
Mr Hughes, who gave up a career in teaching to write full-time for Practical Classics magazine, admits that Ladas were “deeply unfashionable” for years. But as his father had owned a few of the Soviet cars when he was growing up, Mr Hughes says “he’d always liked them”.
So in the late 1990s he started buying Ladas, including the Riva, which was available in the UK from 1983 to 1997.
“As happens with old cars, people were throwing them away as their value decreased, and I started rescuing some of the nicer models,” says Mr Hughes.
“What they lack in fit and finish they make up for in being quite well built mechanically.”
Mr Hughes says there are two main reasons for the big rise in the value of Ladas in the UK in recent years.
“Firstly, a new generation of people in their 20s and 30s like the car’s shape – there is nothing like it on the road. They’ve now become a fashion statement.”
Secondly, they are being snapped up to be exported back to Russia and elsewhere in Eastern Europe.
Mr Hughes explains: “There’s a small but avid market for Ladas in Eastern Europe, specifically for nice right-hand drive models made for export to Britain.
“Hungarians go berserk for them [in particular] because they think it’s utterly amazing they were built for sale to the ‘capitalist West’ as it were.”
In addition to his five Ladas, Mr Hughes’ collection of “Eastern European motoring delicacies” includes three Wartburgs and a Trabant from former East Germany; a Moskvich from Russia; and a Zaporozhets and a Tavria from Ukraine. He also has “a half-share” in a Izh Oda, also from Russia.
Mr Hughes says he wouldn’t swap his collection for a Ferrari, because he argues that anyone with a “big enough chequebook” can pick up an old example of the Italian sports car, while it “requires a bit more skill, care, and so on, to own a fleet of motoring’s less-loved specimens”.
Motoring journalist Dave Richards says that the big increase in the number of formerly “prosaic” or ordinary cars now considered to be classics certainly isn’t limited to former Soviet vehicles.
Instead, he says that cars such as old Ford Cortinas and Capris, the original Mini, and even the Austin Maxi, are in big demand. Plus the Citroen 2CV and the original VW Beetle.
“Many of these cars are practically extinct now, you hardly ever see them on the road, but there is a real demand for those that are still out there… this limited supply means that prices are being driven ever upwards,” says Mr Richards, who is also co-owner of car restoration business Project Shop, based near the Oxfordshire town of Bicester.
The company makes a good living restoring classic cars to their former glory.
At the UK branch of US car giant Ford, it celebrates its old cars in a quiet corner of its factory in Dagenham, east London.
Its Ford Heritage Collection is an Aladdin’s Cave of more than 100 Ford cars from the past 80-plus years.
The jewel in the crown is a Ford Escort 1850GT, which won the first London-to-Mexico rally in 1970.
Ivan Bartholomeusz, who helps to look after the collection, estimates that this car is worth at least 500,000.
Yet the museum of cars is also home to Ford Fiestas from the 1990s.
Mr Bartholomeusz says that the best Ford Cortinas made in the first half of the 1970s can now sell for 18,000, but back in the 1980s were worth as little as 100.
However, Mr Richards cautions that there is still some risk to buying a classic car, be it a Lada, Ford or Ferrari.
“Don’t trust your own judgement,” he says. “Instead, elicit the help of a car club who might know the vehicle in question, or take someone from that club with you to look at that car.
“This is better than saddling yourself with a car that could cost you a packet.”
Of course, owning a classic car isn’t just about money; some people do it for the sheer fun.
Bronwyn Burrell was 25 when she took part in the same 1970 London-to-Mexico rally as the feted Escort, co-piloting an Austin Maxi.
After a 47-year hiatus she’s now taking the very same Maxi racing again, and is due to take part in the London-to-Lisbon classic car rally later this month.
Ms Burrell says: “It’s such good fun, a really exhilarating drive. It’s just like I’m 25 again, reliving my youth.
“I wouldn’t sell the Maxi unless I had to. As far as I’m concerned she’s priceless.”
So Gap was just going to slap the 1969 logo over pictures of monumental moments in history that have nothing to do with the year of its establishment and call that a campaign? ‘Cause that’s just uncreative and fuckin’ lazy, Gap. Like, is the next ad in the works a pair of jeans next to a photo of the Liberty Bell with 1969 superimposed on it, or what? Either way, the whole 1969 thing is just not catching on, and I know this because when you type 1969 into Google, the only thing that pops up are links to old car models.
And what is this “New Generation” bullshit? Are they insinuating from this campaign that buying a new pair of Gap jeans is going to lead to a new generation of spacecrafts and space mission shit? Well, as my astrophysicist sister tells me (who’s the more accomplished sister, idk you tell meit’s a hard one), NASA is pretty much completely defunded right now. So is Gap planning on funding space missions they’re supposedly predicting or what? Honestly, they probably could, because Gap jacked up their clothes prices recently. Since when is a plain white T-shirt from Gap like 30 bucks?
So, we have learned that Gap needs to do their research and hire a new campaign strategy team. And someone with a basic grasp of grammar to do their social media. Also, maybe throw this betch a discount. Betch out.
Iskander Hinn has on display the old clippers and razors his father took with him when he fled home 68 years ago
In a cabinet at the back of Iskander Hinns barbershop in the West Bank city of Ramallah are a row of bone-handled cut-throat razors and, on the shelf below, a set of steel-sprung hand-operated clippers.
The tools speak of a previous era and of one moment in particular: the day in 1948 when Hinns father, a barber, fled the coastal city of Jaffa with the tools of his trade in the midst of the event Palestinians mark as the Nakba catastrophe that accompanied the creation of the state of Israel.
The flight or expulsion of more than 700,000 Arabs during Israels war of independence in 1947-49 is marked by Palestinians on Israeli Independence Day which fell on Thursday as well as officially each year on 15 May.
In Hinns barbershop, evidence of the Nakba is still unusually present even if his father did not like to talk to his children about his flight from Jaffa.
A valve radio that sits on top of his glass cabinet dates from 1936. Hinn bought it himself but it is exactly the same model as one his father had.
A wealthy barber who also rented out four Morris Eights from his shop on Jaffas King George Street, Habib Hinn took one of his cars, 3,000 Palestinian pounds in cash, and the tools of his trade and drove to Ramallah, believing he would return, perhaps within a week, when the violence had died down.
But the barber pictures of whom hang in the shop in Ramallah returned to Jaffa only once, to see where his shop had once been situated. That was 40 years later, in the same month that he died.